the past few days

So, the last few days have been rough! Javier not only has a dairy allergy, but today we found out that he has a SOY allergy as well. We gave him some foods that were DAIRY FREE on Sunday but contained just the faintest hint of soy and Javier's GUT went CRAZY! Sunday evening into Monday morning we got NO sleep...literally. We would doze only to be waken by our poor baby who was writhing in pain from gastro issues. Monday he seemed better, but nope! We didn't get a wink of sleep that night either. I called outta work and had to take Javier to the doctor's office. He saw his Ped and his gastro doctor and they both confirmed the allergy! Ann and I both got in a nap today but needless to say we are exhausted!!! 48 hours no sleep. It's brutal on the body! I am praying that Javier sleeps tonight because I have to be back at work tomorrow.

Side bar, because of Javier's allergies he has to eat a practically VEGAN diet, we have an epi pen now! My goodness! I asked the doctor if she thought he would grow out of this and she said, she hoped he would. Not a positive response...sigh!

Ahhh negotiations and what not

Work work work...its there and granted I love what I do ...what I don't like... negotiations. Somebody always loses. I am in the midst of negotiations right now. It's a make or break deal. I am loving the way work is courting me right now. Giving me more appearances (the really good ones, too). I have Tonic on Sunday (four hour live broadcast) and then a live broadcast on Saturday at the Riverfront with the Pussycat Dolls and Gavin Degraw. That evening I am hosting the NCAA Playboy party at Southbeach in downtown Detroit. It's going to be a blast! I am not complaining... its just funny the way this stuff goes down. Show me the money...show me the love and I will stay...EASY! Not that simple.

I remember last year re-signing my contact and then BAM two days later my voice tracked stations were taken from me because of Ryan Seacrest. I lost 80 grand including endorsements. I was left practically empty handed and LOST everything! Since then, I have been able to regain some of my income, sanity and new assets. Savings, furniture, house, and cars. I have re-built my name in radio and have acquired new stations, but I am still at the mercy of the company that I work for and it just doesn't seem right.

This new contract sounds fabulous...there is even some secret in the works that I can't talk about...I have signed legal documents and all...kinda makes me feel important that the company believes in my talent and capabilities...what I want though is security. What I want has been spelled out to my new boss by me and is now in the hands of fate. I am not asking for much, but I am asking for the unusual. I want more protection so that what happened last year won't happen this year! I deserve it. I am worth it. It's a make or break deal for me. I can't and won't re-sign my contract without it. I will have to walk away ...that's the part that I don't really want to do...but my saying is "principles only mean something when you stand by them whey they are INCONVENIENT!" How inconvenient will it be to walk away from a job without protection? Sigh...in today's economy?

Here is a recent picture of me and artist Lady Gaga. She sings Just Dance and Poker Face. I got to interview her in studio today. She was high to say the least.

My son ...

Just amazes me! This is the time in his life where he is becoming a toddler. It's actually in motion. He is going from baby to crawling, talking, singing, rocking, cruising, standing, holding, kissing...toddler! It's just so grand to watch this little boy go from being a helpless infant to an actual person with thoughts, emotions and conviction. He is not yet a year, but he is no longer an itty bitty baby, either. Not only are his cries different, but his face shape has changed, he is over sixteen pounds, he is taller, he is communicating with words and hand motions and my goodness is he a happy guy!

Right now we are teaching boundaries and manners. Oh let me tell you, Javier loves to push the limits, but it's so awesome to teach him something and watch his little mind reel around what mommy and I have just said and then put what he learned into motion. Right now we are learning not to touch the dog bowls. Sure, we could easily pick them up and move them out of the way, but what would that teach Javier? We are also teaching him please and thank you and the word more (in sign language). We encourage him to play by himself (because we are not his playmates) and he roams in his room and we watch from the kitchen table and he plays with all his toys and laughs and stands and sings. What I love the most is when he looks back to see if we are watching -and of course we are- and he smiles so big like he just got the seal of approval for being a big boy!

A friend said that we got lucky because Javier is easy. It really stung to hear that, because Javier is not easy by any means. If what they meant was that we are lucky because Javier goes with the flow, then thats not luck, that's good parenting. Ann and I deserve a little credit for doing such a good job and having an easy does it mentality. Granted Javier's personality was already determined in the womb and perhaps we got lucky to have such a moldable child, but there is no luck where Javier is concerned. We created this environment and a space for Javier to learn and to have a range of emotions and express himself and learn that yes life is difficult and you won't always get your way, but when life is easy, and you do get your way, appreciate that and know that you are loved!

Javi will be a year in a month! Wow, they aren't lying when they say it goes by fast. Soon our boy will be walking and having understandable conversations with us. What an amazing journey God has granted me and Ann. He has truly blessed us with an angel. Javier really is the love of my life!

I really do have a brother

Gilbert and I talk everyday. I feel like we are kids sometimes...laughing and crying and just talking about nothing really. Sometimes we get serious and thank each other for being so open to having a relationship. He did tell his mother that my mom and I found him. She is open to meeting us and thats wonderful news. I wish I could just drive down there today and meet him with open arms!

It still feels so weird and dream-like that Gilbert is in our lives. It's like Phillip has died and Gilbert has come alive. He is a real person and I found him! I am not sure what the future holds for me and Gilbert and my mom, but I feel as though I can exhale and that what I was supposed to do for my mom in this life time has been accomplished. Since I couldn't give her a kidney...I gave her, her son back. I hope that they have a beautiful relationship from here on out!

Do we look alike?

My brother cont...

It feels like weeks have gone by since I contacted my brother, but its been since Friday!!! We have spoken so many times and texted each other a million times!!! OMG, its been amazing getting know him and comparing notes about our lives. Contacting him has changed my life significantly. I don't feel alone anymore and thats important to me. I have had a longing for togetherness with one of my brothers and I NEVER expected it to be Gilbert. I NEVER expected to find him. The information I was given was like sending me on a treasure hunt. Finding him was like finding a needle in a hay stack. It was meant to be. It was a search I was never going to give up because I felt as though a piece of me was out there. It's been hard being my mom's only child, but I can't imagine what it must have felt like to grow up and not know your biological parents. I thank god in every way for allowing me to give my mom her son back. Regardless of the outcome, I am relieved that my brother has been located and that we can move forward from here. I BEIEVE that '09 is going to be an amazing year! I am still on cloud nine.